The blog post I shared about my anxiety and college has been one that I cringe a little when I think about how actual people have read it. It is a tad embarrassing to think how strangers and acquaintances and even close family now know these intimate and difficult aspects of my personality and mental health. It was something I heavily hesitated on publishing. Now that I have, and it’s out there, I will leave it. What I have learned in my adult life is that embarrassment is necessary for growth and success. I hope sharing my experience can help at least one person not feel so alone in any struggles they might have.

Today, I can share an update on how I am doing with my anxiety and school in particular. For a quick recap, I started at SDSU right out of high school in 1998. I quickly fizzled out for mental health reasons and quit. Between the years 2000 and about 2005 I had tried to attend community college classes on campus but I hadn’t yet addressed the anxiety that was plaguing me. Eventually I completely quit college altogether.

Over time, I made real progress with my mental health. I won’t delve into everything here, but by 2019, I had grown far beyond where I started. It was that year that I decided to start taking classes again and by this time, online classes were readily available. I was able to complete several semesters of general education online. I finally got the point where I had exhausted my online options and I needed to attend classes on campus for my major specific requirements. Dun, dun, dunnnnnnn.

Big deep breath.

In the Spring of 2024 I stepped foot on campus again. I told myself that important things can be scary. I was open and honest at every turn, telling some people that I was highly anxious and to bear with me. I let myself be, just BE, even if I looked scared out of my mind, or didn’t know what to say, or said the dumbest weirdest things. I was always met with kindness and acceptance. I was able to put more effort into the learning at hand instead of battling anxiety attacks. It wasn’t easy. I kept telling myself that each day would be better, that there was nothing to be afraid of, that I was capable and worthy, that it was ok that I didn’t know things, that everyone is awkward, that I was there to learn and meet people – and that is exactly what happened.

Sigh of relief.

Before I knew it, three semesters had passed and I was done with community college. I had earned my Associates in English and was on the path to transfer to a four year university. The time had come to go back to the huge campus culture that previously knocked me down to my knees, literally.

The three semesters I attended community college felt like the most perfect reintroduction to college life. I think I lucked out with amazing professors and sweet young classmates who all made me feel like I had made a soft landing, whether they were aware of that or not. I am still trying to embody so many positive and life affirming realizations from this last year and a half in school. I think I will write a separate post in detail about everything I thought and felt during that time. Being a middle aged college student is a trip, and it is far from over!

Wish me luck at CSUSM. I am enrolled in my classes AND I nabbed a job on campus!!! I am very excited and looking forward to this next chapter. It is all happening so fast.

Thank you for taking your time to read about me. 
Sincerely Yours,
Jen